This Week’s Guide: Surviving or Thriving?

 We are hard-wired to survive. But, are we also driven to want more than safety, comfort, a sense of belonging and esteem? I believe that most folks want to achieve a sense of fulfillment (to self-actualize). If you’re on that journey, than direction is foremost, as is, focus and resolve. So, where are you going (in life)? What’s there for you? Do you have a clear picture of the outcome you want to achieve? Is your mindset supporting you to believe in yourself? How are you projecting your persona in the world? Are you aware of limiting and negative behavior patterns? Have you noticed that what you put out there is reflected back to you?

 New Perspective:
It’s been my experience, that if you’re constantly playing devil’s advocate, the key to open the proverbial door to knocking opportunities will always elude you. Conversely, if everything is equally available to choose from and you have no method of discernment, you will struggle in the shoals.
1. Set your goal for the week and know the outcome you desire.
2. At the end of the week, notice if your expectations were met.
3. What did you do or didn’t do to meet your expectations.
4. If the outcome you wanted wasn’t achieved, decide what you will do differently next time.
5. Be mindful of the daily actions necessary to achieve what you desire.

PS -  Timely Tips to spark your momentum:

• The Three Primary Drivers – What Motivates You as a Manager?
• The Five Top Traits of Best Leaders

 ”The way life treats you is a merciless mirror image of your attitude toward life.” – Anonymous.

 “The universe operates through dynamic exchange… giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.” ~ Deepak Chopra

 

This Week’s Guide: It’s In the Rear-View Mirror

2011 is what you’re seeing in the mirror. It’s behind us now. All the good stuff, the mistakes, the missteps, the wins and the losses. We have our memories and lessons learned or to be learned. What will you do differently or the same? Will you finally have that much needed honest conversation with that someone who behaves badly or crosses your boundaries? Which, will win out? Your values or the fear of offending or losing a relationship? How can you tell your truth, your story, without making the other person defensive? Is it possible to remove your filter and really see this “intolerable” person (or their behavior) with compassion, love and perhaps humor?

New 2012 Perspective: 

Self Development:

• Choose to be a happy person.  Move on from disappointments.
• Find three things to be grateful for everyday and have a good laugh, even if it’s at yourself.
• Let go of trying to figure it all out and allow yourself to be… (with all your emotions).
• Gather awareness about what is making you mildly insane and congratulate yourself on attaining that “aha” moment. Also, have a good laugh.
• Notice your unconscious patterns of resistance and how they can be transformed into a source of energy.

Other People:

• Decide on a time when you are in a neutral frame of mind and there’s no “heat” in the moment before confronting a difficult person or situation.
• Approach a conversation with an open mind and be willing to be wrong.
• Use a disarming strategy: If the person is oppositional, try agreeing, and vigorously, with what they’re saying. This approach diffuses most objections.
• Have a clear intention of coming to an agreement and envision yourself already having a different outcome. Keep working on the agreement to keep it on track.

The World:

• People know when you’re authentic. Find that voice and use it often.
• Say, “I love you” often, and indiscriminately throughout the year.
• There are people in your life, who are in a place of pain, doubt or isolation. Visit them often.
• Your personal change is not sustainable without addressing and finding support from your environment, habitat, surroundings.
• Expect great things to happen.

“Human life runs its course in the metamorphosis between receiving and giving.” — Goethe

Leave a comment for me.

1. Tell me, what moved you the most this year?
2. What strengths did you discover from your losses?
3. What new insights have you gain?

What do you like most about the weekly Fresh Starts?  What themes do you enjoy the most? 

 My gift videos to you for an inspired 2012:

1. Rules for being human.
2. If you’ve never failed, you’ve never lived.
3. Think different.

 

A Good Start to the New Year

This holiday season I stray from my weekly format to share with you quotes to inspire, and perhaps make one feel hopeful about what can be achieved by expressing the best part of our humanity — a good start to the new year.

Conflict

“There are three principles in man’s being and life, the principle of thought, the principle of speech and the principle of action. The origin of all conflict between me and my fellow men is that I do not say what I mean, and that I do not mean what I say.” – Martin Buber, Jewish Philosopher

Enlightenment

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”Inscribed on the Martin Luther King Memorial

Forgiveness

“You cannot force forgiveness. You can’t compel other people to soften their hearts, examine their own faults, or modify their judgments of others. You have to wait until they want to.” – Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations.

Happiness

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” — Jean Shmoda Bolen, author, Archetypal Psychology

Self-Awareness

“The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame.” – Rod Steiger, actor

“Actions have consequences…first rule of life. And the second rule is this: You are the only one responsible for your own actions.” – Holly Lisle, author

“When you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. But, remember, you are also looking at the solution.” – Anonymous “Enlarge your consciousness. If your consciousness is small, you will experience smallness in every department of your life.” – Robert Pante, Image Consultant

 

This Week’s Guide: The Last Stretch

I’m on a movie kick and today it’s about “Secretariat.”  It’s one of those “feel good” movies I’ve seen more than once.  The last few breathtaking minutes of the movie always leaves me so inspired as to make me feel anything’s possible.  What this superb horse accomplishes is beyond expectation and what anyone thought possible.  I believe we can go beyond doing our very best.  When we “stretch,” we can go further than our self-imposed limitations.  We have an inner knowing that when awakened, we become aware of our total responsibility for all we experience and this allows us to change our situation.  When we change our way of being, our brain chemistry fires up a different pattern.  We see things differently and we are no longer tied to the same situation.  Our choices become clear.  Take this stretch factor to heart and empower yourself to change your situations by changing your way of being.   

New Perspective:
The end of year is also a symbolic last stretch.  How will you complete the year?  Are you planning with excitement for a new, daring and different 2012?  This is also a holiday season – a time to enjoy, gather, and celebrate as you prepare to leap (or stagger) into a new year.   Maintain clarity and embrace the new as you would a beautifully wrapped present.  Consider all that you are grateful for in 2011 and bring forward all the environments and people who nurture and radiate positive energy.  Consider what you will leave behind or let go of.  “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” — Wilma Rudolph, Olympic gold medalist 

 

This Week’s Guide: Bumping Into Walls

Sometimes a movie provides an unexpected insight worth exploring. Recently I went to see “The Ides of March.” The main character, Stephen is an idealistic campaign press secretary who would never sell out.  He is overconfident that his candidate will win a highly contested primary.  He relies on his total “belief” in his candidate.  He will only work for a candidate he believes in.  Stephen becomes an unwitting pawn of political maneuvering and suddenly he is bumping into walls.  Suddenly, his “belief” in his candidate is demolised and just as suddenly, he loses his job.  He comes to a painful revelation about himself.  His new persona emerges.  He wins his job back and realizes that he can fore go his ideals for the “win.”  Winning won out.

New Perspective:

Have you ever sacrificed your beliefs for a bigger gain?  What’s more important?  Friendship or victory?  There are times in your life when you start bumping into walls.  There may be times when you experience a very un-harmonic convergence of events: revelations about the true nature of long time relationships – personal or business; a life transition; a reversal of successes.  In the face of devastating disappointments, what do you draw on to bounce back from that wall? Are you at integrity with your values?  Or have you given up something of yourself?  Are you reconciled with your decisions?   

 Quotes from the movie:

“I’ll do or say anything if I believe in it, but I have to believe in the cause.”
There’s only one thing I value and that’s loyalty. And without it, you’re nothing.”

  Can you hold onto your values and still be loyal? Is there a difference between beliefs and values?  Do you think values change? I welcome any thoughts you may have.

 

EMOTIONS AND DECISION-MAKING SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

This is a request for reprint from Nov. 2008 Newsletter

“Logic is important, yet irrelevant if you ignore emotions.”

In a time-honored experiment measuring decision-making skills, a game is played between two people. One person is given a $100 and told to determine how to split it with the other person. The second person determines whether or not to accept the split. If she rejects it, neither party gets the money.

The question is – does the person with the $100 recognize her advantage and will she choose to make an uneven offer in her favor?

The expectation is for the second player to accept the split, even if it’s lopsided and unfair because, if the person is thinking rationally, the conclusion will be that any amount of money is better than none and the person won’t care if it’s unfair. Right?

Actually everyone cares about what is fair to them and most people who realize they have an advantage, offer a 50-50 split. It’s also the smart decision. It insures that both parties get the money.

Interestingly, those few individuals in the experiment who perceived an advantage and offered a lopsided split, were surprised that their offer was rejected. The other person would rather walk away from the offer than allow the offerer an unfair advantage. This is the emotional reaction based on our sense of fairness.

The research study shows that the second person based her decision to reject the unfair offer out of anger and disgust. It was an emotional decision. It felt right to reject the offer when so outraged. But was it the right decision?

Making good decisions always includes an emotional component (balanced with rational thinking). Understanding our emotions as they come up, will help us in our interactions – to play nice, to negotiate well, grow our business or excel in the workplace.

Getting back to the experiment, what would you do? Would you make the most of an unpleasant situation? Would you accept the uneven deal even if it felt unfair? Making a good decision means being aware of the emotions you are feeling, appreciating the difficult situation, taking full responsibility. There are no victims and no hostages in good decision-making.

So, is it a better decision to accept $30 or $40 or reject the offer and get $0? What would you decide?

 

This Week’s Guide: People, Profit, Planet

This week I offer some musings rather than tips.

The recent rallies on Wall Street are stirring some national interest in the Occupy Wall Street movement. They’re a group of protesters with what seems like many causes – global warming, gas prices, corporate greed… – yet, they have one thing in common: they are united in what they say is a broken system. They say they are not democrats or republicans but part of the 99% of the people they are fighting for. They are incensed by injustice – any injustice. What propelled me to focus on this development is a very short video clip of young people marching outside the Stock Exchange while the camera’s eye moves to the balcony of the Stock Exchange building showing lush plants, swell people, richly dressed, holding drinks and smiling down at the protesters. It was a lasting visual, a stark contrast telling the story. You can sense a collective anger about the source of the economic downturn even from people with comfortable jobs. Everyone (the 99%) has been in some way impacted. What do you think? Are more people turning away from our greed-based culture? Are young companies changing culture? What makes for a sustainable and healthy economy?

New Perspective:

A new philosophy of putting employees’ happiness first is taking root in today’s businesses. Good companies know that happy employees are loyal, productive employees. Companies that put people first (Zappos, Starbucks, Ben & Jerry’s) make a profit and have a happy and productive workforce. Is this a wild idea or what? What naturally follows is an awareness of the environment we live in and the legacy we leave for the next generation. What can we do to protect the environment that provides the place from which to make a profit? The new buildings downtown have been designed with “green,” sustainable, non-toxic, energy efficient resources. It’s a global trend. The “green” concept also translates to how we live our lives. What are we doing to live “green?”

“The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.”  — Charles Kuralt

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” — Frederick Keonig

 

 

This Week’s Guide: Do You Zig Or Zag?

 In my Coaching Community, neuroscience and brain-based coaching are the buzz words. Am I in sync with how my clients learn? Do I meet their needs to visualize, feel or to hear the process? Do I get their frame of reference about themselves and the world around them? Am I in the present moment with them and help them to shift perspective. So much of what I do is about being in sync with the very subjective thinking of the other person. Time management conflicts might be about how my 10 minute time frame is your one hour time frame. The more I coach, the more I see that we all use the same language differently. How then, do we make ourselves understood?

 New Perspective

Besides using techniques to let my clients know they are truly being heard, I also use an assessment with clients called the DISC profile, to help them identify their behavioral style but more importantly, to learn to read the styles of those they work with. Why is that important? Do you need to develop strategies to meet the diverse needs of people? Would your communication skills improve if you were able to determine others’ styles? Would you like to reduce relationship conflicts? It’s all about being in sync while having a different style of being. So, do you zig while others zag? Put it together and zigzag.

 “Change your language and you change your thoughts.” Karl Albrecht

 “I speak two languages, Body and English.” — Mae West

 

This Week’s Guide: Are You Grateful?

This week was the big anniversary of 9-11.  Ten years ago, I had seen the horror on the screen and could see the smoke from my window. I wanted to do something. I remember walking the streets and seeing thousands of people dusted in powdery ash cross the 59^th Street Bridge into Queens. They were eerily quiet and dazed. These were the survivors and witnesses. I noticed a man having trouble breathing and luckily there was a fire station nearby where I could walk him to and where he was cared for. Finally, there was something I could do. That day, everyone changed in some way; we reached out to console; we committed to volunteer; we found a new attitude. That day bonded us as the New Yorkers who experienced an unimaginable terror, but, it also gave us an opportunity to drop our anonymity and connect with each other. Strangers were no longer strangers. We were changed forever.

 

New Perspective

Let’s remember our kindnesses and how we reached out to each other then and bring that sense of caring and connection to the workplace this week. We have much to be grateful for. In spite of all that is lacking, there is much to be joyous about.

 

” We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” ~Thornton Wilder

“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.” ~William Faulkner

 

This Week’s Guide: Are You Relaxing?

I injured my back last weekend and my body immediately informed me that I was going to be incapacitated with muscle spasms for a while.  The more I went about trying to use my body, as usual, the more rebellious it became.  Finally, I sat back to breathe deeply and focus on what I know to be my whole being – mind, body, spirit.  As I began to center myself, I realized that there are times when I am out of alignment with my whole being.  I was emotionally distressed and allowed conflicting feelings to divide and conquer the better of me.  I then came across the Seishendo email on living calmness (how perfect is that?) and remembered the somatic mind – the intelligence based in your belly nervous system that helps you to feel emotional calm and I became conscious of my belly brain doing its job.  I began to feel at ease.

 New Perspective

As Charlie Badenhop (Seishendo) states, “…when you feel centered, the flow of hormones and neurotransmitters in your body changes from fight/flight to relax and rejuvenation.”  There is more than one intelligence operating in your being.  There is a connection between heart, brain and belly sending messages to each other all the time.  We are not always smart enough to allow these brainiacs to do their job.  You are not your emotions.  You are not your intelligence.  You are not your intuition, instinct, insight.  Your are all of these in your most personal and best conscious self.  

“When your rational mind feels safe and at ease, you open yourself up to the experience of what it’s like to think with your body as well as with your brain.  By cultivating the capacity to think with both your body and your brain, you become better able to wisely work with the unique challenges you face in your life.”    

Have a relaxing and fun-filled Labor Day Weekend!